Feb. 4th, 2013

theaeblackthorn: (Suits - Harvey - Good Boy)
I love it when it reaches one am on monday morning. When I know I should be sleeping because work but I'm not. I'll be sitting in my flat, over-caffeinated, cheeks flushed from it, keeping me feeling warm even though my flat is freezing. I'll huddle my feet under the over-heating laptop, rearrange to find the warmest spot.

I'll be trawling tumblr, or reading fic, or checking my mail, or bothering people on twitter, or maybe all of them at once and more. I'll flit between different fics because the caffeine strips away any attention span I might have had. I'll be twitchy enough that as I focus on the screen, read the words too quickly, they'll jump and make me feel like I'm on a ship. I'll focus and unfocus on things I shouldn't, unable to stop, until I have to close my eyes to make the world stop dancing before my eyes. To make my sofa stop moving.

I'll watch the last of my friends say good night, and I'll aimlessy refresh tabs, and fics, checking notes on posts and kudos on stories. I'll type things I never intend to post, and some I'll post anyway. I'll listen to my computer overheat and complain about the amount of gifs open, the bad flash players on porn websites, I'll watch them all while shifting my legs on the sofa, rearranging the laptop, because I've been sitting here for far too long. I'll spot one friend left online, doing the same as me. I think of the rest, the ones who've made themselves invisible telling themselves they will go to bed on time.

I'll know it's time to sleep and stop drinking tea when I get that trippy moment when I think I'm part of the sofa. But I won't. My stomach will rumble and tell me it's hungry because it's been so long from dinner. Did I have dinner? I forget. Sundays blur. One am will go into two and I'll think, 'I'll just have another pot of tea, and finish... that fic, that gifset, that episode, that album, anything'. I'll pick one of the teas without caffeine. Inevitably I'll pick the tea with the most caffeine. I'll overbrew it because oooh, look at that picture, that face, that... anything, and it'll be bitter and dark and leave me buzzing even more. The taste will linger in my mouth until I wash it away with more tea.

I'll put on the pirated french radio station, because I like trying to guess the words, I like the random songs they play. I'll hear my neighbours fucking again, I'll smell the comforting smell of weed and chicken nuggets come from the other neighbour through the old floorboards of this house. I'll light a candle. Burn some incense. I'll make another cup of tea because the nuggets made me hungry again. It'll be three am and I'll be watching an episode of silent witness it's taken me two weeks to watch because I keep getting distracted. I'll drink more tea. It needn't be silent witness, it could be anything. I'll wander off in the middle of doing anything.

I'll have a million ideas. A million reasons not to sleep. One more website to check, one more fic read, one more open tab that looks so alluring.

Maybe I'll have another cup of tea.

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theaeblackthorn

February 2013

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